Portland Mercury

Good Day for Crusades, Bad Day for People

Anonymous — Wed, 22 May 2013 13:48:00 -0700

Dear Portlanders Against Fluoride,

Fuck you and your junk-science bandwagon!

Once again, Portland is the weirdest place in America, and this time it's sans naked people.

Fluoride in our water making beer or coffee taste bad? Eroding teeth enamel? Poisoning our kids? Seen a dentist lately? Read a science report lately? Your arguments are laden with holes similarly gaping as those in our kids' teeth.

C'mon!

Maybe you self-serving neo-liberals need to watch Dr. Strangelove again because you've turned our liberal, quirky city into a hype-filled scare-tropolis that refuses to to do what is good and healthy for all of our children.

Here in Oregon, and Portland, we do a good job of maintaining our values, but just like a sales tax, support for schools from the legislature instead of bonds and levies, quiet roads, higher taxes for businesses, and those inane studded tires that destroy the roads, sometimes we need to compromise our values for what is right and will work.

We'll see you in another 30-odd years for a re-vote. Until then, don't forget to brush (with fluoride).

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Blogtown's Poster of the Week

Courtney Ferguson — Wed, 22 May 2013 13:44:34 -0700

Designed by James Hance, this Princess Leia Tank Girl is one badass blaster-wielder. Thanks to Scott Starkiller for submitting it! Be like Scott—submit next week's Poster of the Week here. Pew pew pew!

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Poster of the Week

Courtney Ferguson — Wed, 22 May 2013 13:44:28 -0700

With art by James Hance, this Princess Leia Tank Girl is one badass blaster-wielder. Thanks to Scott Starkiller for submitting it! Be like Scott—submit next week's Poster of the Week here. Pew pew pew!

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Oregon Woman Raped by Ex (but at Least Her Property Taxes Are the Lowest in the State!)

Cienna Madrid — Wed, 22 May 2013 13:29:51 -0700

ThinkProgress.org grimly illustrates what happens when state and local municipalities lose revenue and have to slash vital services, like law enforcement, primarily at the expense of vulnerable populations, like women and children.

Last August, a woman in Josephine County called 911 and pleaded with dispatchers to send police—“my ex-boyfriend is trying to break into my house. I’m not letting him in but he’s like, tried to break down the door and he’s tried to break into one of the windows.” The woman had good reason to be afraid of this man, as she told the dispatcher on the other side of the phone, this same abusive ex had put her in the hospital just a few weeks before. But the dispatcher has no one to send. Because the local sheriff’s department recently lost millions in federal funds, it laid off 23 of its 29 deputies and limited their availability to eight hours on Mondays through Fridays. The woman’s call to 911 took place on a Saturday.

With no deputies available, the 911 dispatcher transferred the woman to the state police—but they would not come rescue the woman either. In the words of the state police dispatcher, “I don’t have anybody to send out there. You know, obviously, if he comes inside the residence and assaults you, can you ask him to go away? Do you know if he’s intoxicated or anything?”

The woman's ex-boyfriend later plead guilty to kidnapping, assault, and sex abuse.

Josephine County, the county where this woman lives, is overwhelmingly conservative; its voters have twice rejected property tax levies to fund more law enforcement (the most recent vote was held yesterday). ThinkProgress notes that after the first round of cuts, law enforcement sent out a press release encouraging victims of domestic violence to move, noting that they would no longer be safe in Josephine County. But what's one woman being raped by her ex-boyfriend if it saves homeowners a few bucks every year, right?

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Gloaters Gonna Gloat

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 22 May 2013 13:14:56 -0700

As mentioned in Good Morning, News!, today I am admittedly suffering from a case of SOUR GRAPES after last night's fluoridation defeat—but I swear I'm trying to be cool about it! Unfortunately today we're having to deal with readers who have a case of YUMMY GLOATING GRAPES. These are anti-fluoridation people for whom winning is not enough; not only do they have to be regarded as "right" (they're still not), they also want to exact the most vengeance per square inch by going into full "gloat mode." Here are a couple of examples, both received after the results were announced.

Subject: Fluoride IGNORANCE

Hey Portland Mercury,

Now that fluoride has been voted down, I thought I would take a moment to tell you how much I used to enjoy reading your paper. I have lived in Portland for three years, am an educated professional, and was a self-confessed junkie of both Ann Romano's and Dan Savage's columns. I will find Dan's column elsewhere and drop Ann's altogether after the outrageously biased MAINSTREAM pro-fluoride argument I have ever seen. Super blech!!!!

Signed a former love,

Patricia

Subject: Too bad so sad

Denis T:

I've been impressed by your burgeoning journalism skills since we met at the OccuPie Portland event and I actually looked for your articles in a newspaper I have little affection for. Sorry you all decided to ride with the assclowns from the pro-fluoride lobby. There's nothing stopping you from here on out to write about real methods to improve the dental health care of Portland kids if you indeed really care which I doubt. I won't be reading about it anyway even if you do. There's a reason we refer to your paper as the sMirkury.

Better luck next lifetime,

Christine

Nice people! (P.S. Gloating is a sign of insecurity, sooooooo....)

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The Portland Fashion & Style Awards 2.0

Marjorie Skinner — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:44:00 -0700

The past year in the local fashion event industry has been playing out like a game of musical chairs, and not to be left out, the Portland Fashion & Style Awards—which I criticized at length for being awesomely out of touch when it debuted last year—has also fallen into new hands. Steve and Anne Akre and producer Jaileene Eubanks have declared their commitment to "bringing in qualified fashion industry judges... and a qualified fashion industry advisory board team."

But the new web site still gives me major sads:

Click over to read more about this event's attempts to achieve relevance in 2013.

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The Portland Fashion & Style Awards 2.0

Marjorie Skinner — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:44:00 -0700

But the new web site still gives me major sads:

I consulted informally with the Akres earlier this year, and tried to be very honest about what I saw as fatal flaws of the original event. In short, the awards are completely meaningless gaudy paperweights if they don't represent an informed recognition of the individuals and businesses who are truly putting Portland on the fashion and style map. What's more, I'm not convinced there's a particular need for an awards ceremony at all, and what would be more valuable than physical awards at this point—and might actually get people to care—would be monetary or otherwise useful prizes, like credits to a good fabric store for designers, for example.

I'm not sure at this point whether that will happen, but a few things we do know as of now: The event is moving from earlier in the month to the evening of October 26 at the Ainsworth Event Center (also known as The Scottish Rite). Newly minted Project Runway winner Michelle Lesniak Franklin has signed up as a presenter. Last year's unwieldy list of categories has been whittled down to a more reasonable length and the nomination process is also now open. Unlike last year this crowd sourcing of nominees is supposed to only generate one finalist in each category, with the ultimate winner being determined solely by the judges. So, that's an improvement.

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Tonight in Music: Youth Lagoon, Gaytheist, Akron/Family

Ned Lannamann — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:42:00 -0700

YOUTH LAGOON, SWAHILI
(Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) Read our article on Youth Lagoon.

Hold Me...But Not So Tight by Gaytheist

RED FANG, GAYTHEIST
(White Owl Social Club, 1305 SE 8th) The metal-tinged power rock of Gaytheist is one of those purely pleasurable things in life—like ice cream, or Lee Van Cleef. The Portland trio's latest album Hold Me... But Not So Tight was just released on Seattle-based label Good to Die Records, and it sees outspoken gay frontman Jason Rivera leading the stampede on another collection of roaring, heavy tunes that joyously bumps the levels into the red. It's a shame tonight's de facto record-release show is already sold out, since as many people as possible should be exposed to the earcrushing delight that is Gaytheist, but they remain one of Portland's most prolific and frequently performing bands; their next local show will be within your grasp. Headliners Red Fang have just announced their third album will come out later this year on Relapse, to be produced by the Decemberists' Chris Funk, who also helmed their last one, Murder the Mountains. NED LANNAMANN See My, What a Busy Week!

AKRON/FAMILY, AVI BUFFALO, M. GEDDES GENGRAS
(Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) Akron/Family decided to throw restraint out the window when recording their sixth album, Sub Verses. Loud, untidy, and surprising, the album is experimental and masculine. The best thing about A/F has always been their ability to focus on not giving a shit about popular opinion. While many of their Brooklyn peers tailor albums to be cachet magnets, Akron/Family—some of whom live, or have lived, in Portland—continue to innovate, constantly changing the landscape behind their instantly recognizable three-part harmonies. Those thrilling vocals are still the heart of Sub Verses, but it makes good use of the big, propulsive drums and distorted guitars of less eccentric American rock bands. Avi Buffalo, the moniker/band of Avi Zahner-Isenberg, emerged several years ago with a charming self-titled album of lo-fi pop. Thanks to its low-key sincerity, it managed to ride the wave of whimsy that was happening at the time without coming across as the least bit annoying. REBECCA WILSON

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If You Missed KBOO's Election Roundup (with Yours Truly as a Guest), Listen Here

Denis C. Theriault — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:29:48 -0700

It was pretty early, this post telling you to put on KBOO this morning and listen to host Joe Meyer talk with little old me about last night's ~~full measure of election results~~ thorough flogging of water fluoridation. So maybe you missed it. I get it. Wednesday mornings are tough.

But it's online now—and it makes for a nice, punchy back-and-forth. Just in time for your lunch hour!

Oh, and for the record, not a single fluoridation supporter called in. Like, zero. I figured maybe one of you 40 percenters might. But nope. You did not. We did hear a lot from people who think I'm corrupt/lazy/naive/stupid. And also from some people who pointed out that eating fluoridated toothpaste in great quantities is ill-advised.

(I confessed that as a kid I ate far more than a "pea-size" daub of the stuff on more than one occasion, because I liked Aqua Fresh, and never once had to call the poison hotline; maybe you'll say that's why I joined our endorsement of fluoridation.)

Anyway. Thanks! I had fun! And it wasn't nearly as awful as this commenter earlier today made it out to be.

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Sasquatch Must-Haves

Kayla Rekofke — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:28:00 -0700

As I sit here typing this, I must admit I’m wearing one of my Sassy must-haves: the ultra comfy and warm Poler Napsack! Absolutely obsessed, and it’s been in my possession for less than 24 hours. So anyway, if you’re hitting up this year’s Sasquatch you probably already know what you’re going to take with, but just in case, here’s a couple of things you might need to bring along. PS: I will be covering fashion, fashion, fashion at Sasquatch all weekend long! I’m shooting on film (old school, none of that iPhone bullshit!). Stay tuned for backstage snaps, glam Sassy goers, and lots of shenanigans.

What’s not to love about AK’s amazing Indigo Straight bodychain? I have one from a few collections ago, and I can’t tell you how many times I get stopped with the “OMG where’d you get that!?” Look no further than the Anna Korte boho goddess for all your festival needs. Pair with a basic bodysuit, or layer on over a simple tee and you’re all set!

MAC Liquid Last Eyeliner is no joke. Bring cat-eye realness to the Gorge with this seemingly permanent liner. With showers (not of the rain variety) on the scarce side, best to play it safe with waterproof. Swoop some here.

You can scope the weather forecast here, but with highs in the 70s and sun, you mustn't forget SPF, my darlings! Lately I’m super into Supergoop! Protect your little mug, and keep that skin looking Portland pale. Check it out here.

I can’t get enough of my thrifted camo jacket. It makes the best layering piece because it’s lightweight, can easily be tied around your waist, and has serious pocket space! Grab yours from Goodwill, or really any vintage shop. Stash it in your rucksack for evening shows and layer up with fur or leather.

OK, so here’s the skinny on the Napsack. I may be late to the party but these things ROCK! Super warm, easy access to your hands and legs, and you are basically a really cool glowworm. Get yours here.

Don’t forget your Jambox or music player! What’s better than listening to your fave bands after hearing your fave bands live? I have a feeling “Thrift Shop” will be on heavy rotation at the campsite. Don’t drop yours in a hot-tub like my brother, and grab one here.

Brits really do it best, try out Boots cosmetics. Especially their make-up remover wipes. Super affordable and easy on the skin, wipes are must-have for three nights of camping.

Because nothing is better than a drunk warm soup belly.

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Tonight in Music

Courtney Ferguson — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:14:25 -0700

Doug Fir–Stornoway, Horse Thief, 9 pm, $10-12
Dig a Pony–Pussy Control: Nathan Detroit, Black Dog, 9 pm
Habesha–Stepkid, Mood Ring, Vice Device, Basement Snake, 9 pm, free
Holocene–Reading Frenzy Party: Gulls, Apartment Fox, Jason Urick, Shy Girls DJs, DJ vs. Nature, 8 pm, $5
Mississippi Studios–Akron/Family, Avi Buffalo, M. Geddes Gengras, 9 pm, $12
Star Bar–Suicide Notes, The Polaroids, Sex Crime, 8 pm, free
Star Theater–Lady Rizo, 9 pm, $15
Valentine's–Mufasa, Later Dudes, Grapefruit, 9 pm
White Eagle–Freedy Johnston, Blue-Eyed Son, Ezra Holbrook, 8:30 pm, $12
White Owl Social Club–Red Fang, Gaytheist, 9 pm, $15
Wonder Ballroom–Youth Lagoon, Swahili, 8:30 pm, $13-15, all ages

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Old Town's "Entertainment District" Comes Before City Council Today!

Dirk VanderHart — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:59:24 -0700

Mayor Charlie Hales' plan to extend—over substantial neighborhood concern—Old Town's five-month-old "entertainment district" will come before council this afternoon, in what could prove a lengthy, testy hearing.

City commissioners will take their first crack at an ordinance [PDF] prepared at the direction of Hales earlier this month, authorizing cops and the city's Bureau of Transportation to extend the district through October.

The zone—a collection of streets in Old Town's nightclub district closed off on Friday and Saturday nights—has proven controversial since its inception in December. Some bar and restaurant owners in the area, initially supportive, now say the district is hampering business. And there are concerns the street closures to-date have made the area look like a ghostly police state—a far cry from the "street festival" atmosphere Hales' says he'd like to create.

Police, meanwhile, love the street closures, and contend crime is down since they began.

"The Old Town Neighborhood generates a high volume of calls for police service within the area between W Burnside and NW Everett on certain days and during certain hours, as well as the surrounding areas of this zone," Hales' ordinance reads. "Prior to the pilot street closure, police response to many of these calls was delayed by conflicts with vehicles."

Hales announced a couple weeks ago his intent to push an ordinance at a "town hall"-style meeting of business and neighborhood interests.

That meeting, the mayor said, was an opportunity for him to address concerns. But Hales' proposal for the district—he wants more food options and outdoor seating—did not appear to budge in the face of criticisms from neighbors and businesses.

That those criticisms dominated that discussion is not reflected in the ordinance, which reads: "The general consensus of feedback from the neighbors, community associations, businesses, and bar owners indicated that the majority of stakeholders are in favor of continuing the experiment with new ideas to improve the quality of life in the Oldtown/Chinatown Neighborhood, both in and around the entertainment district."

If the district extension is approved—and at least one commissioner has indicated to the Mercury a plan to go along with Hales' proposal—the notion of cost might be a flashpoint. The mayor has floated the idea of creating an assessment district, where Old Town neighbors would be taxed to help pay for upkeep. There's no indication, however, neighbors are amenable to that notion.

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Memo Sheds Light on Touchy Budget Talks Between Fire Union, Mayor's Office

Denis C. Theriault — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:29:59 -0700

Peace has largely reigned over Portland's budget process this year. Despite filling a $21.5 million budget gap, Mayor Charlie Hales has tried to deliver what good news he could to safety net advocates and parks boosters and others, even as he's proposed big cuts to the police and fire bureaus.

And there has been curiously little public pushback against those public safety cuts. Neither residents nor groups like the Portland Business Alliance have lined up to decry the pending loss of 50-plus sworn police positions and 26 firefighters.

Behind the scenes, that's not quite the case—especially when it comes to the fire bureau. A memo (pdf) obtained by the Mercury—essentially a script for Hales to follow during a meeting Tuesday morning with the Portland Fire Fighters Association—reveals intense deliberations in private over the best way to meet Hales' goal of saving money without maybe having to lay off so many firefighters.

The memo also expands on simmering discontent with managing another of Hales' main goals: swapping in two-person rapid response vehicles, designed to handle medical calls, in place of four-person fire engines and ladder trucks. PFFA President Alan Ferschweiler wrote a stinging op-ed in the Oregonian on Monday criticizing the mayor's initial attempt at the change. Later that day, Fire Chief Erin Janssens leaked to the O a plan that would ameliorate some of the fire union's concerns, something that came up in the meeting.

I've left a message for Ferschweiler, and I'll update with his comments when they come.

Labor negotiations also appear to be on the table. Though the firefighters agreed on a new contract last year, Hales' office has suggested the union could avoid some layoffs by reopening the deal and agreeing to forgo some cost-of-living increases. The memo claims Ferschweiler personally supports the idea but doesn't think his members will go along.

"We should respond that the COLA is a one-time thing to get us to a new normal, and it is up to them," Hales' talking points say. "You are dead serious about the RRVs and overall savings. They can either choose jobs or trucks."

Members, according to the memo, want the city to apply for grant money that would help mitigate layoffs in the short term while waiting for better economic times. But Hales' office tells me there's still "a gap," because that grant money would only be a "band-aid"—although, "who doesn't like free money?"—and wouldn't help the city get even over the course of it's five-year budget.

"We've been flexible," says Noah Siegel, a policy adviser for Hales. "The goal is hitting the savings number and introducing innovations."

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City Baby at Cinema 21 Thursday

Alison Hallett — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:29:00 -0700

I really liked the new Portland-set movie City Baby, which premieres for one screening at Cinema 21 tomorrow night. Here's a trailer that makes it look way worse than it is:

A lot of people will probably hate this film—they won't be able to look past the fact that it's about "hipsters," or they'll miss the part where you're not supposed to like the main character—but I thought it functioned as a great critique of Portland's PYTs, and I reaaaally want people to see it so we can talk about the ending, which I found brilliantly bitter but could also probably be interpreted as "happy." Sure, City Baby is yet another movie in which 20-something white people figure out how to be adults (see also: Noah Baumbach's fantastic new Frances Ha, which opens at Cinema 21 on Friday), but it's also smart and well-produced, the performances are solid, some of my favorite Portland bands are on the soundtrack (Lovers!), and it makes fun of smarmy dudes who work in advertising, which I am totally on board with. (Bonus for anyone familiar with Portland's sketch and improv comedy scenes: Appearances by Andrew Harris, Shelley McClendon, and John Breen, all veterans of 3rd Floor, the Liberators, Road House: The Play, etc. McClendon and Breen play actors in a terrible local play, which the theater critic in me enjoyed so very much.) If you need even more of my thoughts on the film, a full review is here.

Buy tickets here; come back and tell me what you thought.

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20 Somethings, 30 Somethings: Watch This TED Talk

Kayla Rekofke — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:21:00 -0700

Dr. Meg Jay’s recent TED Talk has my little friend group all abuzz (shout-out to Solestruck babe Melissa LaChance for sending this vid my way). Anyone who is in their 20s definitely needs to watch this. You know that old cliche? “30 is the new 20.” Well, it’s not. Mind blowing shit! Watch for your daily dose of inspiration.

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The Old Gold Lets Double Mountain Brewery Have Its Way with Their Tap Handles

Ned Lannamann — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:14:34 -0700

Conflict-of-Interest Pony requires us to point out the connection between North Portland watering hole the Old Gold and the Portland Mercury—the bar was built on the burial ground of all our former music editors, or so the legend goes—but Beer-Drinkin' Burro also insists that we tell you about the awesome thing they've got planned for tomorrow with Double Mountain Brewery.

When the Old Gold first opened its doors back way back in 2011, the first drink they sold was Double Mountain's Vaporizer. It's been a staple of their taps ever since. And tomorrow, May 23, starting at 4 pm, the Old Gold is letting the Hood River brewery take over several of their taps, which means four Double Mountain beers will be pouring at all times. I'm told they'll have some super rare beers that you won't be able to get anywhere else in Portland, plus food specials, as well as OG's customized whiskey pairings. If you're looking for a beer tomorrow, you know where to go.

The Old Gold, 2105 N Killingsworth, Thurs May 23, 4 pm-close

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Things I Will Never, Ever Get Sick of: Behind-the-Scenes Photos of the new Ninja Turtles Movie

Erik Henriksen — Wed, 22 May 2013 10:59:00 -0700

Because unlike previous attempts to bring the turtles to life, the new movie—produced by Michael Bay, directed by Battle Los Angeles and Wrath of the Titans mastermind Jonathan Liebesman—is using motion capture. And Megan Fox! Which leads to images like the picture above, which is so perfect exactly as it is that I don't even want them to slap some crappy CG ninja turtle on top of it. Just leave it like this. This is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie I want to see. This.

More fantastic pictures of Megan Fox looking confused while talking to dudes in plaid unitards and backpacks and googly eyes at Superhero Hype. Via io9. I'm pretty sure that's Raphael? The grumpy turtle! Look at his gloves! Man. This is the best.

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Are You Geekier Than a Four-Year-Old?

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 22 May 2013 10:44:34 -0700

CHALLENGE! Do you know more about Marvel super heroes than four-year-old Mia strapped in her car seat? Let's find out when we play (cue music)... DO YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT MARVEL SUPER HEROES THAN FOUR-YEAR-OLD MIA STRAPPED IN HER CAR SEAT? (audience applause)

Good luck contestants, and let's begin!

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SL Letter of the Day: Have You Ever Heard of...?

Dan Savage — Wed, 22 May 2013 10:29:00 -0700

Originally published July 26, 2007:

I'm a 31-year-old attractive single woman, and I recently went on Match.com and found a guy. Our e-mails and one phone conversation went well and he seemed kind and was okay-looking in his picture, so I met him for drinks. It was disappointing, to say the least. He looked 15 years older than his picture and was socially awkward to the point of sheer misery. He told me he didn't want to eat cheese because he "had the craps," announced to the waitress that this was our first date, yawned when I talked about my job, and said, "I could tell you were really into me the minute you walked in the room."

Standard bad date so far, right?

Here's the bizarre part: On the phone he'd said, "The most beautiful sound in the world is applause. I hope I can hear you clap for me sometime." He is a music teacher, so I thought he was referring to applause after a performance. But when we met in person, he asked me to clap for him, for no reason, in the restaurant! I asked him why, and he said he just really loved the sound of clapping. I ignored his request, finished my drink, and said it was nice to meet him but I didn't think this was going to work. I shook his hand good-bye in the parking lot and at this point he asked again for me to clap—but now in a whiny voice, literally begging me to do it. The worst part? I did it, just to shut him up, before speeding away in my car. I'm simultaneously creeped out and intrigued.

Have you ever heard of a clapping fetish?

Clap Off The Clapper

My response after the jump...

I get letters every day from people asking if I've "ever heard of" a particular sex act, fetish, kink, or hang-up before. The assumption, I guess, is that the thoroughly skanky author of this thoroughly skanky column has heard of everything. And that's fine; I've heard of and, er, done quite a lot. But the folks who send these EHO letters aren't seeking confirmation that they're not crazy—or in COTC's case, that this really happened—but some form of absolution, as if my having heard of whatever it is they're doing, were asked to do, or refused to do, makes it—whatever it is—a little less bizarre.

But almost invariably I haven't heard of the sex act, fetish, kink, or hang-up the authors of EHO letters ask about. Like this clapping fetishist COTC encountered—I've never heard of that one before. I don't doubt COTC's story for a moment because, hey, if it can be named, performed, swallowed, or worn, someone out there has a fetish for it. So while I can't offer COTC absolution for the sex act she performed—yes, it was a sex act—in that parking lot, I can offer her the next best thing: bragging rights. Not only did you stump me, COTC, but this is a bad-first-date story you'll be dining out on for the rest of your life. Congrats!

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This Week in Sex

Rose Finn — Wed, 22 May 2013 10:14:56 -0700

French president Francois Hollande legalized gay marriage on Saturday, after years of French polls being in favor of gay marriage. Though there have still been oppositional protests, Hollande maintains that he “wouldn't accept any disruption of France's first gay marriages.” Said Disney princess Belle, "Finally—we can stop pretending 'The Beast' is a dude."

Kaitlyn Hunt, An 18-year-old high school student in Florida, was recently charged two felony counts of “lewd and lascivious battery on a child 12 to 16” for dating her 15-year-old high school girlfriend for several months. According to Huff Post, in addition to the girlfriend’s parents getting Hunt arrested in her own home, “the 15-year-old's parents successfully petitioned the school board to have Hunt removed from school weeks prior to graduation.” Both girls had started dating before Hunt turned 18, and both sets of parents knew about it months before Hunt was arrested. Said the 15-year-old, "I am so moving to France."

Meanwhile, in a custody hearing between Carolyn Compton and her ex-husband in Texas, Judge John R. Roach declared under a "morality clause" that Compton and her lesbian partner can no longer live together. The morality clause states that it's illegal for Compton to have anyone over that she's "not related to by blood or marriage" in the house with her two children after 9pm, even though they have been raising them for nearly three years, and the children are clearly happy and healthy. Though the two would like to marry, because gay marriage is still illegal in Texas, Compton's partner must move out of the house. In related news, Texas is now changing their license plates to say "The Lone Gay Parent State."

In boring, usual news: “Tea Partiers” (not to be confused with “Spring Breakers”) accuse Obama of being a closeted gay, and being a frequenter of the Chicago gay bathhouse scene. Said one tea party member, gossip columnist, and someone who may be closeted himself for all we know, Jerome Corsi, "Obama used to go to the gay bars during the week, most often on Wednesday, and they said he was very much into older white guys.” Said most members of the Supreme Court, "Um, really?"

In non-depressing news (I know, what?) cool New York city hairdresser Michael Angelo has paired up with the Somaly Mam foundation, a foundation seeking to eradicate sex trafficking, to start a beauty school for ex-sex trade victims in Cambodia. Teaching victims provides them with a marketable skill, and the tools to become self-sustaining; unlike the hairdressers on Jerseylicious.

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Union Way

Marjorie Skinner — Wed, 22 May 2013 09:59:00 -0700

I was a little bummed when Red Cap—the queer bar across the street from the Ace/Clyde Common—went out of business, and I didn't blink an eye when Aura slipped permanently into my well of unconsciousness. Now that both are gone, it's been officially revealed (-ish) what will be taking its place: Union Way is set to be a compound of shopping, eating and drinking that will either certify the West End of downtown's crushing dominance or be the breaking point at which it becomes clear that this city can't support our own grand ambition. Either way, this description is pretty exciting:

Portland calls for a new kind of shopping experience. Its climate and culture lead us to an urban indoor/outdoor space for eating, drinking, and shopping. Union Way finds its origins in the streets and alleyways of Europe, Asia, and the Middle East, and serves as a counterpoint to the typical urban retail block or the suburban festival marketplace. The public promenade draws people through the building, which is bookended by Powell’s Books, a major retail destination and The Ace Hotel, an iconic contemporary hotel. Union Way houses a collection of carefully curated shops and restaurants providing an authentic and unique shopping experience while adding energy and momentum to the West End neighborhood. Since the Alley is a private walkway through the block, new types of ways to eat, drink and shop will emerge and end in an exciting symbiosis between merchants and their customers.

The photos published in the Daily Journal of Commerce help paint a picture of what the finalized space will look like and at least one of the restaurants involved, Micah Camden's Boxer Ramen, has been confirmed. As for retail, the unconfirmed rumor has it that Steven Alan is coming to town, but I'll believe it when I see it (or when they respond to my emails, which they so far have not). Another clue: Steven Alan is one of only 11 things that Union Way "likes" on Facebook. Yep. If that indicates what I think it does you might also want to keep an eye on Bridgeport vegan restaurant Morso and San Francisco clothing store Self Edge, since everything else on their "like" list already exists in the surrounding neighborhood.

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Shame On You!!!

Anonymous — Wed, 22 May 2013 09:51:00 -0700

To the asshole in the white Subaru Impreza,
I knew you were trouble when I saw you on Naito Parkway tonight. Right by the Morrison off ramp you pulled into the far right lane to harass the homeless asleep under the bridge by slowing down and honking at them. You preceded to do it again at the Hawthorne bridge underpass. You are a fucking asshole. May your dick shrivel up and fall off!

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Pearl Over 82nd, Bitches

Anonymous — Wed, 22 May 2013 09:51:00 -0700

You wouldn't know it from Portlandia or the crazy Travel Portland YouTube videos, but PDX has lots of poverty and lots of people in poverty. They're all on 82nd and beyond the 205, areas tony Portlanders don't visit. The Pearlites and other organic-munching kinda-liberals have officially told the poor schmucks on 82nd to suck their bleached balls. Want fluoridation to prevent your Poor People Problems? Fuck no. Want pretty ponies to wander our clean Pearl streets to entertain us? Fuck yes; sign us up for $200K. It's fun to think we're progressive so long as we don't much have to think of poor, needy people so much as people who like to eat organic and wear Danskos. PDX, you disappointed today.

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There Are No Atheists In Foxholes

Dan Savage — Wed, 22 May 2013 09:44:50 -0700

But there atheists in Moore, Oklahoma:

Says BoingBoing: "This is CNN."

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Good Morning, News!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 22 May 2013 09:31:26 -0700

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Girl, I'm feelin what you feelin'. No more hopin' and wishin'. I'm 'bout to take my key and stick it in the ignition. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

As predicted, in last night's election fluoride went down in poisonous flames. (Did you know that fluoride is so poisonous it can actually kill fire? A DOCTOR IN EUROPE TOLD ME THAT.) The latest tally was 60 percent anti to 40 percent pro. I'll try not to be too sour grapes-y about it... but can you guys keep on spamming our comments section with unsubstantiated anti-fluoride links? You know... just for old times sake? (Read our election night party updates here.)

And right on cue, Portland is being made fun of by out-of-towners for their anti-fluoride vote. Here's my fave line from the story:

How can you tell someone is from Portland?

The backyard chickens, the beard, the inability to pump gasoline. And perhaps we should add a lack of a full set of teeth.

Hey, they said it, I didn't! (Someone else also said this.)

A Florida man (not that Florida Man) was killed by feds and cops last night after he attacked them with a knife while being questioned about his potential role in the Boston bombing.

In a video, Anthony Weiner keeps his shirt on and announces his bid to run for mayor of NYC. Impossible? Hey, not with the anti-fluoride people behind him! (By the way, anti-fluorides—I expect to see your plans for providing dental health to underprivileged kids on my desk by tomorrow morning. Sorry, too sour grapes-y.)

To put things in proper perspective, here are some more terrible, terrifying stories from the aftermath of the Oklahoma monster tornado.

The IRS official in charge of the division which targeted conservative groups stands before a congressional committee aaaaaand... pleads the fifth. I should do that more often.

In China, an extract from the gall bladders of captive bears is said to have medicinal benefits. So can we put THAT in our water?

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Chilly and wet for the next three days with a drying trend over the weekend!

And finally, let's face it. While you may find my sour grapes annoying... I think we can all agree that the Sour Grapes from the Banana Splits Show are the greatest thing EVARRRRR!

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